9 – Vanity

Before I start pouring out my thoughts on this topic, I’d just like to request a small favour.

I’ve been nominated for a BotW (Blog of the Week) by one of my favourite posters on Tumblr and it would mean the world to me if you would vote for my blog (capturedinnocence) on her blog.

Click here, click vote for botw, and vote for ‘capturedinnocence.’ If you do end up voting for me, leave a comment and I’ll be sure to check out your blog/follow it if I haven’t already.

Oh and thanks for reading my blog in the first place. I love you all. ❤

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There’s something about human nature that I don’t quite like. It’s too incontrollable. A beast that bites against your will. You try to tame it, to add your own twist of personality, but in the end, there are just some things that stick and never let go.

Vanity is one of those things.

Of course, there are different levels of this idea called vanity.

Yet, in the end, I’m sure all of us have it. To some extent.

We care about our apperance. How we look. We want to ‘fit in’. We want to look better than other people. We want to be better. Superiority. Yet, somehow that’s not quite what I want to talk about. I’ve long since acknowledged that this thing can’t go away, but yet I still want it to. This urge to just stop caring. That’s what I want to talk about.

I’m not a selfish person by my personality – I almost said nature. I am a selfish person by nature. It’s just how humans have been programmed. It’s just that some people have better control over this selfishness than others. I’m as greedy as any other living being on this Earth. I hate that. I hate that I have to control this thing as if it were some monster lurking inside of me. In some ways, it is. In some ways.

Oh, vanity. What would I do without you? I feel like I’m caring too much about it. Too much about what others think of me…about what I think of myself. I’m too self-centred, but I don’t want to be.

I think that’s what I’m really trying to get at. That feeling of helplessness when you are something and can’t help but be that something. You try to stop it, but your efforts amount to nothing. It’s this unstoppable quality that really irks me. I hate it when I’m helpless. I like change. Stagnancy scares me. The inability to make a difference scares me. A lot of things scare me. That’s another quality I have that I can’t quite get rid of.

Maybe if I tried harder, I could get these things to go away.

Hah. Fat chance.

 

 

—tumblr: a gentle beast.