Halcyon

I decided today,

I wouldn’t go the same way.

Was tired of seeing the same old,

Same old.

Wanted to be different.

Wanted to be bold.

 

Found myself on the other side

Of campus. Heels clacking against the ground.

Gentle humming; sweet, sweet sound.

Not a soul around.

 

Yellow, orange, red

Colours of Autumn falling at their own beat.

Rustling upon the street

In quiet vindication.

A story lies ahead.

Innocuous invitation.

But I stop here,

Pause in the atmosphere,

To listen to the tale

beneath my feet.

 

I smile.

Think I’ll stay for a while.

Gentle breeze

and soft crackle in the trees.

 

There are words in places you cannot see

And they come to me.

As they would come to you

If you would choose a route

Different

From the one that you are used to.

 

 

——

Take the road less travelled.

mistress milieu

my friends, my lovers, my allies all abound

come one, come all, draw in to my sound

come rejuvenate my insides

come purge away my fears

this is the turning of the tides

retribution for the years

 

it is time to reclaim my body, lift the ulcers off my chest

tornado, earthquake, thunder, and storms for all the rest

they think that i am conquered, but I’ll show them they are wrong

i’ll make this battle cruel and hard, astringently long

 

there is nowhere for you to run to, you are confined to my fair frame

what do you think you’re doing? do you think this all a game?

there’s no turning back now, no pausing, no restart

you’re the one who tore inside and stretched my heart apart

 

here i leave you one last choice, one route of self-redemption:

restore me piece by piece so that i may live by your side

let there be love and harmony between us, sans prejudice and pride

let my pores breathe again, give me space to grow and bloom

and know that any other path you take will only lead you

to your doom.

Just You and I

The world seems so small tonight,

So still with just you and I –

The moon’s calming crescent light

Is but our dreams painted in the sky.

 

Your laughter sends me worlds away,

To a place where happiness comes to stay.

 

Cancer, Carina, Puppis, Lynx,

The stars are welcoming us in winks.

 

And all I feel is love inside,

Flying high and starry-eyed.

 

Do you feel it too, my dear?

The magic floating in the sphere?

 

Everything will be alright,

All our worries will pass on by,

For the world seems so small tonight,

So still with just you and I.

36 – To Feel Without Thought

In my day-to-day life, I spend every idle moment thinking about what’s happening around me. The relationships that I’ve formed and need to maintain, the lessons I ‘ve learned and have yet to take, the goals in the future and those lost in the past, and the happiness I’ve found and have yet to touch upon.

It’s this consistent thinking that drives me again and again towards a void. Towards a place of sadness, of grief, of overflowing stress. It’s this overthinking that prevents me from the simpler things in life. It’s this overthinking that keeps me up at night.

Once in a while, however, I find a little peace in my heart. I stop thinking. I feel the world.

Sometimes it’s when I’m lying on my bed. My stuffed animals in my grasp. The still air and darkness as my cover. I feel the warmth, the security, the comfort that cause my thoughts to dissipate in that moment. Serenity at its finest.

Sometimes it’s when I’m out on a walk. The sun is shining bright – the symbol of a new day. Butterflies flutter about. The birds sing a song. The cherry blossoms in full bloom. The ground beneath my feet. I feel nature and that in itself brings me to contentment.

Sometimes it’s at night when I’m atop our home’s meager balcony. The stars glimmer in the distance and the moon sheds its light upon the steps. I make a wish on the first star I see and everything feels right. I hum a song into the darkness and I forget just for those few minutes, the problems lingering in my mind.

It’s summer. My favourite season. It’d be a shame to let it go to waste without moments like these.

For my last birthday, I received a mug with a very significant quotation upon it. It has never really left my heart:

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away.”

It’s time to set ourselves free to the world. Too many times do we just spend our time worrying about where we are, where we can go, what we’ve done, what we should do. Too many times we forget about now.

Let’s feel the world again.

32 – My apologies, and some idle thoughts.

I’m terribly sorry I haven’t been keeping up to date with everyone – I try to be better with this usually, but things have been a little hectic lately and will be for the rest of May. When June rolls around, expect me to be all over all the wonderful blogs I follow. Believe me, you guys are all the inspiration I need and more. Stay amazing and thanks for being understanding, supportive, and there for me. ❤

It’s really starting to warm up here. My friends and I have been going outside for lunch lately – to throw around a frisbee, play catch – that kind of thing.

Barefeet on grass. Laughing. Piggy in the middle – and failing badly. The wind blows our frisbee away time and time again. Things seem so perfect in that hour we do nothing else but enjoy ourselves.

My friend made me a daisy chain yesterday. I broke it and tried to fix it again, but it was too small when I took out a flower. Sigh.

How long has it been since I’ve played outside properly? It feels like ever since high school started, I’ve become chained to the inside world. It’s really a wonderful feeling to get out – run away from the hecticness – if only for an hour. Half an hour. Ten minutes.

At night, I somehow find time for my games. Because I have friends there too that I do not want to lose. Just like I wouldn’t want to lose a single one of my lovely friends here. Because you guys give me something that I can’t find anywhere else – understanding. Acceptance without conditions. I love that and that feeling drives me through the day.

I’ve decided to write my 4,000 word-ish essay on Sylvia Plath. On Ariel, her last book of poetry. I’ve been reading about her pre-suicide actions ,decisions, behaviors  How hard it was on her that her husband had a lover, how hard it was to be in a society where women weren’t treated the same. And I feel for her. In many ways some things haven’t changed. And elements of her life – I find in mine and if not mine, in the life of my mother or in a friend. And it hurts that it still hurts.

There have been other things on my mind. Like the dream. But I’m still pondering that. Developing that. Forgetting and remembering that. In due time, things will be all right again.

I know it.

Good Ol’ February

This entry is completely out of my writing style and I must say I’m a little uncomfortable writing in such a different voice. It’s good to have change though. I think.

——

A brush of telltale fantasies

that seem to bring about this certain type of ease

Engulfs me with the coming of this new month –

an elusion fluttering in the February breeze.

 

This flustered innocence that I

know very well won’t last

Somehow keeps me contented with

ideals from the mass.

 

News! Change! Something bright

is promised in the coming of the new moon,

Don’t linger too long on the old thoughts as

the tides are turning and innovation comes soon.

 

Put aside the idling iPads and gussied up machines

and indulge in this new sensation,

Forget just for this moment, just for today,

all the floundering frustration.

 

Twinkle in some fairy dust, add some magic

to the brink of your life’s story,

Just for one day, becomne a vessel of

some greater power and invest in nature’s glory.

 

Come one, come all to welcome dear February’s arrival

And we’ll plunge forth through Winter as we await Spring’s revival.

I was a different soul.

Years ago, I was a different soul,

Unbound by aging’s wretched toll,

Years ago, hope was in the stars,

Not behind a school’s gray bars.

 

I used to hang out on the balcony,

Captivated by astronomy,

Minutes in the winter spent,

Hours under summer’s tent.

 

I no longer appreciate

What I did in that wistful state,

I’ve forgotten the wishes I have made,

Forgotten the prayers that I have prayed.

 

Extract from me a decade’s worth,

Allow my soul a child’s rebirth,

Remove the harshness of this realm

Plug in innocence, overwhelm.

 

Look around you, it’s never been gone,

Just hiding, just lost, just self-withdrawn,

Set it free, let it run and feel the freshness of the sea,

Set it free, uncover it from the city’s cruel debris.

 

Why, why, why, am I playing this game?

Open myself, open my eyes, to nature’s acclaim.