A new year & new goals (late update)

I’ve been sort of hiding from reflecting on last year’s resolutions because I know I’m not going to like the outcome and the disappointment that will come with it.

However, I was sitting in my social psychology of emotions class yesterday and the prof showed us a video about how to make resolutions that work and I realized then that there was no harm in trying again under a new light.

The basic principle behind the video was to focus on the positive: to make resolutions in the positive, to imagine oneself already accomplished the goal and to work towards that goal in that mindset, and rewarding oneself for all the little milestones that appear along the way. The main thing I hadn’t tried was invisioning the end goal – the end “me” and using that mindset to actually accomplish my goal.

It really struck a chord in me – if you don’t believe a goal is obtainable, then you’re not going to be able to obtain it. Being positive and preparing for success rather than failure is much more effective.

So I’m going to try it.

To wake up everyday (well, most days) with a positive attitude and to approach my goals from the mental state in which I’ve already accomplished them.

Here goes something!

Quick reflection on last year’s resolutions (not going to focus on the negative very much as that obviously isn’t being positive)

  • I haven’t been improving in my 3rd year unfortunately (my marks went down instead…), but it was a rough semester and I believe that I can make the change this semester
  • MCAT score was kinda meh, still unsure if I want to retake it & will decide after this semester
  • still haven’t gone to the gym…but will starting with tomorrow (ulti practice at 7am ugh)
  • been missing intramural practices….again, tomorrow is a new day
  • haven’t made a recipe book, but I cooked today so I’ll applaud myself for the little successes

Some of my goals will be repeats from last year, as I wasn’t able to accomplish them successfully this year.

But I know I can do these (100% confident)

1. Visit the places you’ve always been meaning to go. [to be expanded as more places come up]

  • the ROM [FEB 16, 2016]
  • the Art Gallery
  • CNE
  • Canada’s Wonderland
  • the Science Centre
  • Skating at Nathan Philips Square

2. Do NaNoWriMo

  • IF you are not overloaded in November
  • At least aim for 10k words.

3. Get to Masters on LoL (Okay maybe not this one)

4. Make at least 10 posts a month.

  • you’re never going to mature and grow and actively work on your goals if you don’t reflect on what you’re doing
  • journaling is good for you
  • do it

And here are some new ones…

5. Stop thinking about GPA and just enjoy learning again

  • blog about the material you’re learning instead of the grades that you are getting
  • because you used to love reading

6. Get that summer internship you wanted

  • or another one that you’d enjoy
  • be productive this summer

7. Apply to med/grad schools with your best shot

  • get references ready ahead of time
  • get someone to proofread your application essays
  • DON’T YOU PROCRASTINATE, NESSA

There.

I’m ready, 2016.

Advertisements

100 – Life is beautiful.

I’ve finally hit 100.

It’s taken me a long time to get here.

For some people, 100 might not be a huge number of entries. For me, it’s a milestone to reflect on. I am not the same person I was when I wrote entry number 1.

I think the biggest change from then to now is how I handle my depression. I no longer self-pity, no longer wish I were someone else. I still have nightmares. I still cry too much. But it’s progress. It’s something. There is more hope than me than despair and I think that’s change enough. For me, blogging and video games are enough. For others, I know the fight isn’t always as easy. I’m rooting for all of you out there. Whether you’re balancing medication and therapy or if you’re simply trying to stand up in world that can be so very harsh, I’m rooting for you.

I’m going to continue to grow. I want to be independent. It’s been a real struggle considering how spoiled I grew up to be. But I’ll get there. Little steps.

Thank you to those who have been giving me encouragement over the past couple of years. Bobbie, Grandfathersky, Kathryn, Jade, Andy, Vela June, Amber, FiaMusey, Moony, Nicodemas, Wendell, Annika, Mercedes, Kweschn and anyone else that I may have missed. Every word of support means a lot more to me than you could imagine. So thank you.

Thank you also to those that I started out blogging with and show up from time to time to offer me support: Rachel, Shania, Kevin, and JV. I miss you guys as much I miss home in Vancouver. I can’t wait for the day I get to come back.

——

In life, you are going to experience injustice, frustration, and moments when you feel like the whole world is against you. But don’t give up. I’ve learned the worst thing you can do when you’re feeling down and hopeless is to stop fighting back. For when you stop fighting back, even the weakest demons can engulf you.

So I’ll never give up.

And never lose hope.

‘Cause we all feel lost sometimes. Even the strongest of us. And it’s okay to be lost for how else would you find yourself otherwise? It takes a little bit of pain (or sometimes a lot) to really appreciate the happiness in front of us.

Right now, I’m in a comfortable place. I can love myself and love the people around me. I feel like happiness is within my reach. Even in those moments when depression slips back into my day to day life, I can feel happiness around the corner; and I know, I just know that no matter where life takes me, I’m going to be okay.

Life is beautiful.

79 – Updated Blog Look! :)

Finally got around to changing the feel of my blog. I wanted it to be brighter, simpler, and just as easy to access as before. And it’s getting there. I’m not completely satisfied and it’s really hard working under wordpress.com restrictions (I’m not paying $30 just to change colours and fonts). I might make a few tweaks here and there as I get used to this theme. It definitely has a brighter energy. And I love it. Do let me know if it looks horrible though. I don’t want to be stuck with something that repels readers from my blog.

I’m looking forward with a more positive attitude and my blog is really going to reflect that from now on (I hope). Happy energy makes a happy person. I know there will always be moments when depression will hit me really hard and I’ll stumble and fall during those toughest of times, but I also know that I’ll get through it and that I am not alone. A lot of people struggle to find happiness. I don’t think they realize that we don’t find any, we create it.

I know one of my other goals was to post more (and also comment more on others’ blogs, because I definitely know from experience that sometimes even a little comment can make someone’s day). Working on it! Hopefully by the end of summer I’ll have a rhythm that works for me.

Phew. Really tired from playing around with the theme (even though it may not seem like much). Going to call it a night and grab some rest before work tomorrow. Going to see fireworks with friends tomorrow. Hopefully lots of fun…I’ll post pictures! Hopefully… (:

Stronger Now

Your glass shell was cracking along the side

From all the assumptions and disbeliefs

From all the hurting and all the griefs

That left you terrified.

Your smile was as rigid as a marionette’s,

As bitter as a fool in defeat,

As whole as it was incomplete,

As cold as it gets.

 

Yesterday was tough for you,

But you held, you fought,

Stood for your thought,

And alas, you pulled through.

 

The sun will shine a little brighter today,

Fuelled by a little love,

A little wishing up above,

It’s all going to be okay.

Those who’ve hurt you will fall once more,

Your shield is renewed, your armour repaired,

Your foes standing:  stumped, shaking, scared.

You’re stronger now, stronger…than you were ever before.

Two sides of the same soul.

Yin

and Yang.

Two sides of

the same soul.

I’ll cry on the inside

while I laugh.

All tears

All smiles.

Clutch on to pessimism.

Embrace the optimism.

I try to hide

while I shine.

My wordpress.

My tumblr.

I’m mature, troubled, misunderstood.

Innocent, naive, far too blissful.

I’m always alone.

I love my friends.

I lie.

Hey look, I lie too.

I hide my other self.

And I don’t? We’re the same soul.

I feel so fake.

Then what is real?

This world

And this world

Are slowly colliding.

19 – Happy Chinese New Year!

Another fresh start awaits us.

Let’s make good use of it, no?

Let dragons rain their luck on us. Let all of the world’s dilemmas dissipate for a moment. Forget. Remember. Live.

There’s something good around the corner. I can feel it.

Optimism. Funny to see that coming out from me. (:

Another doodle to add to my collection of doodles.