crescendo

For every second with you was absolutely brilliant, every moment imprinting on my heart. Days filled with laughter and sparkling enthusiasm for all that we were. Days we never wanted to end.


surprise and awe

feelings that come rushing back to me

when I remember the first time

that I saw you who you really were

 

taken aback

by your honest demeanour

you always spoke what was on your mind

and it was my pleasure to engage

in our miniature debates

though you always seemed to have the words

to answer my ripostes

a clever tongue and quick to speak

how could I not be captivated?

 

the summer sun paved the way

for the adventures we embarked on

from the soft sand beneath our feet

to the fireworks in the sky

with you, I came to realize

that the city that I had grown up in

was more delightful

than I had ever imagined

 

autumn came

with leaves in gentle drift

and the comfortable warming taste of chai

we watched in silence

as the glittering array of orange and gold

unravelled its beauty around us

 

under the veil of changing seasons

we found ourselves transformed

from our awkward beginnings

into the best of friends

those days I spent wishing

that it would never end.

these tiny little moments

Your honesty means more to me

than you would ever know

and I’m scared, I’m scared to lose it

I’m afraid to let it go

 

I enjoy these passing moments

these conversations on a whim

they’re amusing at the very least

and make life a little less grim

and although they only ever scratch the surface 

of who you really are

I feel this time is precious

a worthy reservoir.

 

The world is vast and filled with wonders

its corners reaching far and wide

and though you doubt you’ll ever find it

someday happiness will be at your side

and these days will lose their meaning

and slowly fade away

you’ll no longer think of me

but as a part

of yesterday.

 

That too is a beautiful thing

to give your love to something special

something worth your gentle heart

something to hold you together

on days you fall apart.

 

Just know that for today

you mattered

and I will not forget

your love, your nature

and how you live each moment honest to who you are

how you are unafraid of disappointment

unafraid to go so far.

 

And maybe there will be a day

where nothing seems right

and all has gone astray

on that day

I hope that you remember

that even these

tiny little moments

can go a long way.

Transilience

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cloud cover
sun slate
a thousand words
cannot translate

beauty blooms
at the gentle pace
of the circadian
within us.

Prussian blue
oceans wide
a soft whisper
tickles the breeze

rapid flux
too far to reach
living on the fringes.

soft giggle
rosy cheeks
and
transference
of dreams

never pausing
projectile motion
possibilities
trickling down
her sleeves.

anticipation
in her eyes
and tension
in her wrists

as the sun sets
the moon takes the stage
always changing
never ending
eternal
transilience.

104 – Happy CNY [Super Blog]

This is going to be a long one. In order to kind of organize it a bit, I’m going to putting tl;dr’s in bold BEFORE each topic. If you hate reading, just the bolded sentences will give you a good idea of what’s been happening in my life.

I’m also going to start putting real names, when applicable, into my blogs. I want to be able to look back years from now and remember the people who helped me out at this point in life. So only good things about good people. Bad people or people I dislike will continue to remain anonymous. It’s to signify a realization that other people are important in my life – my life doesn’t only revolve and consist of solely myself.

This blog is a little Throwback Thursday to my ninth grade, when I used to do super blogs for my Applied Skills class on this blog. Was reading it again a few days ago. The way I blogged drastically changed in tenth grade (when I started this WordPress). I wasn’t innocent back then. Never have been. But I sure as hell acted it. Annoyingly so. But I was trying in my own way to be happy with all those happy faces. I was trying in my own way by being so awfully vague and bored with life. So I’ll never wish I was different person then. Without the girl in that blog, I would not be who I am today and although I am not completely satisfied with who I am now, I’m happy with who I am.

Flashback aside, let’s start on a good note.

First and foremost, have a Happy Chinese/Lunar New Year my WordPress friends.

I think it’s about time I put in another doodle. As a continuation of my previous lunar new year doodle, have another one.

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Yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking: “Where did your years of art lessons go?” But nothing beats a good doodle. They make me happy. I doodle on my arms and notebooks to keep myself awake in class. They’ll always be a part of me. They give me courage when I’m feeling anxious. They make me smile when I’m feeling down. And hopefully, they’ll carry me through this awful semester of university.

I’m a little sad and lonely that I’m not at home celebrating New Years with my family and friends. Red envelopes. Good food. Lion dances and festivals. I miss the celebratory atmosphere. By the time I’m out of this city and back home, I might be too old to enjoy the holiday the same way. What a sad thought. But it’ll be okay. I’m sure I can find new ways to bring the same joy back.

The weather has been awful here, but Buta’s been helping with that.

Buta is my new pig-shaped humidifier. I got it from the One’s at Pacific Mall (a place that feels like an indoor night market). He’s my alarm clock’s best friend. And my hair’s too. It got really dry, windy, and cold this February. We had wind chills of -40 degrees Celsius. Not fun. And it makes my hair all staticky, dry, and annoying. Buta helps with that.

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Look how cute Buta is. Oink oink. ❤

Brings me back to the whole idea of Chinese New Year and the zodiac also. I was born in the Year of the Pig. Perhaps that was why I was naturally drawn to choosing the pig over the various other animal-shaped humidifiers (which were a bunny, panda, and goat).  I can relate to pigs. They’re lazy, stubborn, but they’re also intelligent and fast learners. They can be super friendly and independent at the same time. I think I have what it takes to be a good pig. Some of my friends that are the same age as me really fit the description as well. I wonder if the zodiac and being born in a certain year really does have an influence on your character. Probably not. If anything, it’d be the self-fulfilling prophecy (yay social psych!). Having knowledge that you’re like something can make a person act in a way to fulfill that. So for people influenced by the culture of Chinese New Year, may be more likely to have characteristics of the animal they were born in. Same thing happens with horoscopes. It’s a cool thought though. Just because I believed in it and have celebrated it, it’s influenced me (even if it’s just minuscule compared to all the other environmental factors). The mind works in mysterious ways…that are sometimes not that mysterious.

I learned how true failure feels like.

I know that it wasn’t my best test. I’m abysmally bad at tests under pressure. It wasn’t good, but I couldn’t believe my mark. 15% on a mid-term. It was pretty demoralizing. Makes me doubt my chemistry major. I thought I had understood Inorganic Chem. I clearly wasn’t able to demonstrate any understanding. To be fair, the class average was 37%. But I’m still severely below that average. Ugh. I’m going to have to try harder I guess. You win some, you lose some. In my case, I lose a ton since I was sick for so damn long. I swear this city is toxic towards my health.

2.5 more years. You can do this. Won’t make my Med School dreams. But I’ll keep trying until I do (even if it takes me a few extra years). Don’t. Give. Up.

I’m finally recovering from being sick. I can recover from these awful midterms too, right?

Axe-throwing is really, really fun.

Went axe-throwing with the CSU and it was a real stress-reliever after having heard about my awful midterm mark. It was kind of like archery or darts in which you have to hit a target and try to get the bullseyes,but completely different because axes are so much cooler. It was really difficult to get it to land properly (i.e. not have it bounce off when the handle hit the target instead of the blade), but was really rewarding once you got the hang of it. Such an interesting experience – definitely something I would try again. Then again, I’m really clumsy…so it may not be the best idea to put me with a sharp blade again and again. Meh. Even though I was still sick while doing it, I had a great time. Got to know the other CSU members (especially Tanya and Alex) a little better also. That was super rewarding.

Axe-throwing!

Overnight shifts kind of suck.

I worked my first overnight shift last Friday (at McDonalds). Due to the fact that I was still kind of sick, I slowly lost my voice throughout the long 8 hours (9pm – 5am). It was extremely hard to stop myself from coughing (I still have a slight cough even now), but I tried my best since I didn’t really want to get any customers sick. I have no idea why I accepted that shift, but I like to be accommodating, so I guess that’s why. I had another shift later that day, but I was too sick to really work anymore so I had someone replace me for that. It was Valentine’s Day anyway. I deserved a break.

There were a ton of drunk, rude people that came in between 2-3am. It was a really crazy mob. Makes sense considering there are lot of pubs in the area. Didn’t help that it was Valentine’s Day. Drunk people, sickness, and night shifts really don’t mix. Would not do again.

As for Valentine’ Day itself, I spent the majority of it resting in bed and eating (with the boyfriend, of course). Being sick sucks.

Friendship can be awkward and amazing at the same time.

Went out for AYCE sushi with Mohamed yesterday. He’s honestly been a really good friend to me this year, helping me with my CHM238 (Horrible Inorganic Chem course I’m failing) labs and giving me advice about PSY240 (Abnormal Psych). So it was a nice treat to go out and eat together (away from school). We were supposed to go out with a couple other of my Chemistry classmates/friends, but plans fall through sometimes. Kirsten was too busy with Chinese New Year plans (totally understandable) and Alina was sick with a fever (I really hope I didn’t give that to her, I’d feel terrible if that were the case). The flu seems inescapable as the other friend we asked was also sick.

The place we went to, Spring Sushi, was extremely ambient – it did not feel like the traditional sushi restaurant. It felt like a classy lounge had been changed to a sushi restaurant: the walls were painted with Japanese-esque images, but the rest of the place was classy and the lights were dimmed. The place was wonderful really. We ordered through these iPad-looking things and the service was quick. It was awkward in that the waiter may have thought we were on a date (I already have a boyfriend), offering to take our picture. We accepted the picture, of course. I haven’t taken pictures with anyone in a long while.

The food was really good. I think I shocked Mo with how much I could eat (yay bottomless stomach). That was also awkward. It felt really nice to just talk about things and people and enjoy the lovely view (of this horrible city). I don’t have very many friends here (if at all any). Haven’t really made any close ones yet. It’s really hard. This city is really big. And cold. And lonely. And I’m not particularly a big fan of clubbing events or parties. But it’s okay. I’m doing just fine. I have people that help me out at school. I have people that make me smile at an awful university that threatens to kill my GPA over and over again.

Until the day I find some friends in this heartless city, I have video games.

Bastion is a very well-made and enjoyable game.

Having fallen in love with a trailer of the game a few years back, I finally got around to playing it a few days ago. I was pleasantly surprised. The combat style felt like a mix of Lunia and Rune Factory. Can’t wait to finish it and move onto Transistor (which the trailer has also made me fall in love with).

There’s nothing more satisfying than a good indie game with a solid story, beautiful drawings, and good mechanics. I love being absorbed in a world more mystifying than my own.

bastion_1_0

Then again, I get easily lost in this world as well.

Life is hard.

But it sure is beautiful.

Even the worst moments will pass.

I’m finding my smile again.

Happy Chinese New Year’s, everyone.

Halcyon

I decided today,

I wouldn’t go the same way.

Was tired of seeing the same old,

Same old.

Wanted to be different.

Wanted to be bold.

 

Found myself on the other side

Of campus. Heels clacking against the ground.

Gentle humming; sweet, sweet sound.

Not a soul around.

 

Yellow, orange, red

Colours of Autumn falling at their own beat.

Rustling upon the street

In quiet vindication.

A story lies ahead.

Innocuous invitation.

But I stop here,

Pause in the atmosphere,

To listen to the tale

beneath my feet.

 

I smile.

Think I’ll stay for a while.

Gentle breeze

and soft crackle in the trees.

 

There are words in places you cannot see

And they come to me.

As they would come to you

If you would choose a route

Different

From the one that you are used to.

 

 

——

Take the road less travelled.

81 – A really cute cafe.

Currently sitting in this really nice cafe (Tigers Drink House, find them on instagram!) near my mom’s workplace. Waiting for her to finish work but also really enjoying the atmosphere. Definitely a neat little cafe I wouldn’t mind hanging out with my friends at. The place is so uniquely decorated with hand-painted cups and plates and some interesting graffiti and paintings. Overall, a stunning creative milieu. Not to mention free wifi! Definitely a bonus.

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Wanted a Starbucks but this place serves just as well. Quite a tasty Chai latte as well. Mmmmm.
Hopefully I’ll be able to write a bit whilst I wait patiently (I don’t actually have any ugh!) for mom to finish her stuff.

I can imagine myself studying here. The seats are comfortable and the drinks match my tastes (not too sweet but full of flavour). Too bad I’ll be back in Toronto in a few weeks. Ugh. It’ll be okay though. I’m sure I’ll be able to find some nice quiet cafes there too.

Ah the air conditioning is amazing too on such a hot summer day. So happy right now even though I’m not home gaming away the day. All I need now is a cat to pet and life would be perfect.

Hope everyone is having an equally wonderful day 🙂

half the world away

i find shelter in

the darkness

safety

in your words

perhaps that is

all one

ever needs

 

there might be

a thousand miles between us

but your laugh finds its way

to the curves of my smile

snuggles into the edges of my lips

and remains against my consent

and i suppose

i wouldn’t have it

any other way

 

i clutch onto

my worn down teddy bear

as if somehow

your love

had invested itself inside

i cling on

wishing it were your warmth instead

in my arms

 

you’re

half the world away

but tonight

i feel the distance a little less

i’m by your side

in your thoughts

and in mine

perhaps that is

everything

that matters