until nothing remains

I built you up to be a giant

grand and gentle, fair and free

but really

you’re not so different from me

human, flawed, and fragile

tears are flooding through the cracks

and so we shatter

oh, how we shatter.

 

I pick up the pieces

and clutch them in my arms

they’re sharp and they sting

and I bleed from within

but I fear that they are all I have left

they are all I have left.

 

I’m sorry to have lived in fantasy

clueless and forlorn in melancholy

this isn’t who I was meant to be

but who I was I can no longer see.

 

drifting further on endless night

there is no comfort in this sleight

let me fade away into the dark

and leave me until I’m torn apart.

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broken pieces on the ground

it’s been a long, long time

but I feel your return

a shadow rising from my past

a dreadful defiler

 

you’ve poisoned my heart

into feeling worthless and empty

but I know that is wrong

I know that every life is priceless

and that this feeling too will pass

 

but the numbness feels inescapable

and I’m anxious every moment

triggered by my own inability

I’m lost and left behind

 

every attempt to break free

from this isle of desolation

seems futile from the start

and thoughts that never got to me

are echoing in my ears

 

my confidence has shattered

broken pieces on the ground

and I fear for the worst

I fear that they’ll never again be found

 

I feel stupid

weak

incapable of doing well

in the things I’ve always loved

and slowly

I’m suffocating

in thinking that

I’m just not good enough

 

I’m trying my best

to build myself back up

but damn is it hard

to look at the shining face of happiness

when it seems like something I don’t deserve

 

it’s going to be okay

like the hundreds of times before

it’s going to be okay

I’ll make it through this once more.

We are born with broken hearts.

We are born with broken hearts

and love is the magic that glues the pieces together

slowly, but flawlessly.

When love is lost, the glue disappears, leaving all the fragments

to crash into a broken state again.

Heartbreak is but that crashing

and recovery is but the remembrance of the comfort you once found in that state.

Sometimes, love stays forever…till death does it part.

Sometimes, love isn’t perfect and has cracks between the places

With enough love even the cracks can be filled in.

But if the cracks widen, even love loses it power.

No matter what, it is never wrong to love,

never wrong to want to be mended and feel the wholeness in your veins.

We are born with broken hearts,

and thus we spend our lives searching and loving so that we can die “wholehearted”.

I’m lost

I’m flailing on the borderlines

Waiting for the sinless signs

I’m flailing on the borderlines

Caught between the loveless vines.

 

I’m watching as you turn away

Air grizzling, grumbling, granting gray

I’m watching as you turn away

Masked as hard and rough as clay.

 

I’m breaking down and depleting sight

I know I’m not quite worth the fight

I’m breaking down and depleting sight

I’ve lost you somewhere with the night.

 

How could you misplace my pulsing love?

You threw it down a breakneck cove.

How could you leave me here alone?

I’m lost, I’m lost, in place unknown.

But Love Decreases

I’m lost, estranged, and terrified. A crumpled post-it in my hands.

Naught but smile was written on, most simple of demands.

I’m shocked, shivering, shattered. Fragments of the past.

My fist tightens; I’m tired of being the one thought of last.

To falsify, to lie, to pass with a laugh hereby.

The lonely porcupine. Mine, mine, oh my.

Speak not of these tears that stream down my face.

Our secret. Pinky promise just in case.

Every atom in my body. Is vibrating…in fear.

I’m scared. So scared. Without you, my dear.

The darkness is welcoming. My only friend tonight.

Much like the broken string of a young child’s kite.

Find me. Embrace me. More, more, more.

I’m but the solitary kitten resting at the door.

But your attention is elsewhere. No interest in broken pieces.

I keep your words on mind. But love decreases. Decreases.