I think it’s only human that from time to time we wish we were just a little bit more.
Just a little bit less awkward so other people would like me more.
Just a little bit more outgoing so that maintaining my relationships wouldn’t feel so difficult.
Just a little bit more focused so I could get these assignments done.
Just a little. Please. Please?
These thoughts hit me hardest when asked the most ordinary of questions:
“Hey, are you going to…(insert club night/formal/bar crawl/social event of torturous nature to introverts like me)?”
“Oh! That episode of…(insert highly popular TV show that for some reason everyone but you seems to watch) was great!”
And it makes sense to feel out of place when confronted with a question mark, when you feel like you can no longer contribute anything meaningful to a conversation, when you start to fade into the background rather than be engaged.
It makes sense to feel like you’re not enough and to feel like you need to be more like “everyone else”.
It makes sense because we are social creatures and we bond on points of common interest.
It makes sense, but it sure doesn’t feel right.
And because it doesn’t feel right, you’re left with one of two options:
to ignore it
or to shut it down.
And while I’ve lived most of my life doing the former,
I’ve come to like the latter.
And so instead of feeling like I don’t belong,
I think about and appreciate all the little things that make me me.