112 – Need to get focused

The plan hasn’t gone too well. Probably due to the lack of trying.

The exam on Wednesday was disappointing. It was fair and I know I could’ve done well on it if I put in twenty more hours of studying. But I didn’t even try. The course will be my first B/C on my university transcript. Which to most people isn’t the end of the world. For me, it’s a crack in my med school dreams (a crack meaning I can recover if I put in the work, but cracks get worse if no one does anything to fix them – WHAT A GREAT METAPHOR HUH).

I think enough is enough. I spent the rest of Wednesday and Thursday wallowing in self-destruction. Too much chocolate, too much gaming, and too much House. I have another two final exams on Monday and Tuesday and they’re not going to study for themselves (but wouldn’t that be amazing if it were possible).

I’ll ease up on the plan a little, but I’ll get focused also. I can do this.

My mom called me up a few days ago. She says I don’t miss her enough because I don’t call home very often. The former is not true and the latter is something I should work on. I do miss home a lot, but it’s not like my mom will magically appear if I tell her I miss her. It’s something though. Even when I was living at home, we didn’t have real conversations often – but we can always start. I guess. I do miss her lots. I’d really like to go home for a while.

My mom saw my name on the CSU Facebook page and asked about that. I still find it kind of weird that she liked our union’s Facebook page, but it’s sweet at the same time because it shows that she cares about what I’m doing at school outside of class.

Am currently writing this while volunteering at a senior’s home (I help run a little grocery store that they can buy necessities from). It’s really interesting and enriching interacting with the older population. They’re filled with stories, opinions, and lively personalities. There is this couple that always comes by to buy coffee and they seem like some of the most peaceful people I’ve ever met. Definitely a life goal there – growing old with someone you can just enjoy a lovely conversation and coffee with.

Thinking of applying for a volunteer position at a hospital next year, see what it’s really like in there as a non-patient. I do have to be able to balance that with my current volunteering, my work, and school…so I’ll have to see what my schedule looks like in the fall.

Looking at my terribly hard to finish double major, I’m not going to be able to do a semester in Singapore like I wanted. It’s a little disappointing, but there’s nothing stopping me from doing something abroad next summer, so I’ll see.

Thinking back into the present, I really need to try my best. To stay healthy. To be happy. And to do well on my exams.

I think I need to add one more thing to that: to maintain good relationships with the people I know and love (not just my mom, but with the friends that I do have or think I have).

If all else fails,

Just

🙂

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