Fighting Expectations

Feels like I’m fighting a losing battle
Between who I want to be
And who I am.

I force a smile
But I can feel
The knife held against my throat
An unwanted weight upon my chest
And my blood curdling beneath it all.

I grit my teeth
Prepare myself for the blow
Anticipation in my veins
But the impact does not come.

I exhale in relief
Try to move forward
But still the fear won’t dissipate.

Who am I really?
And why is it
That I can’t be good enough
Just the way I am?

A shadow grabs me by the wrist
Drags me to my knees
Traps me in a prison of doubts
And subjects me to my own hesitations.

Bitter contemplation
Fuels my distate
And I lose motivation
In plotting my escape.

Laughter echoes in these halls of agony
I shut my eyes and give into the pain.

For a moment.

Then I hear it.

The clockwork rhythm
Of my beating heart.

I bite my lips
Feel the blood rush into my cheeks
And just like that
I’m marching to a different beat.

Just like that
I’m on higher ground
And no one, nothing
Will bring me down.


4 thoughts on “Fighting Expectations

  1. I love how this poem turned around in the end. I was thinking, “No, don’t feel this way, I have been there before. You shouldn’t need to be good enough for anyone but yourself” but was so glad it took on a positive outlook…hope you keep it 🙂

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