I’ve finally hit 100.
It’s taken me a long time to get here.
For some people, 100 might not be a huge number of entries. For me, it’s a milestone to reflect on. I am not the same person I was when I wrote entry number 1.
I think the biggest change from then to now is how I handle my depression. I no longer self-pity, no longer wish I were someone else. I still have nightmares. I still cry too much. But it’s progress. It’s something. There is more hope than me than despair and I think that’s change enough. For me, blogging and video games are enough. For others, I know the fight isn’t always as easy. I’m rooting for all of you out there. Whether you’re balancing medication and therapy or if you’re simply trying to stand up in world that can be so very harsh, I’m rooting for you.
I’m going to continue to grow. I want to be independent. It’s been a real struggle considering how spoiled I grew up to be. But I’ll get there. Little steps.
Thank you to those who have been giving me encouragement over the past couple of years. Bobbie, Grandfathersky, Kathryn, Jade, Andy, Vela June, Amber, Fia, Musey, Moony, Nicodemas, Wendell, Annika, Mercedes, Kweschn and anyone else that I may have missed. Every word of support means a lot more to me than you could imagine. So thank you.
Thank you also to those that I started out blogging with and show up from time to time to offer me support: Rachel, Shania, Kevin, and JV. I miss you guys as much I miss home in Vancouver. I can’t wait for the day I get to come back.
In life, you are going to experience injustice, frustration, and moments when you feel like the whole world is against you. But don’t give up. I’ve learned the worst thing you can do when you’re feeling down and hopeless is to stop fighting back. For when you stop fighting back, even the weakest demons can engulf you.
So I’ll never give up.
And never lose hope.
‘Cause we all feel lost sometimes. Even the strongest of us. And it’s okay to be lost for how else would you find yourself otherwise? It takes a little bit of pain (or sometimes a lot) to really appreciate the happiness in front of us.
Right now, I’m in a comfortable place. I can love myself and love the people around me. I feel like happiness is within my reach. Even in those moments when depression slips back into my day to day life, I can feel happiness around the corner; and I know, I just know that no matter where life takes me, I’m going to be okay.
Life is beautiful.