77 – Sometimes you have to take the harder path.

I don’t usually go into detail about my day to day life here, but I figured I might as well start doing that. And being less vague about it. It might not be interesting to anyone, but it’s certainly beneficial to me to reflect on all the events happening in my life.

I was super stressed out a while ago, but I’m recovering. It doesn’t affect me as much now and I’m still able to approach each day with a smile, so that’s good.

School is super frustrating. I really wanted to transfer back here and study at home, but it means I’m going to be quite behind everyone else (by almost a year). And frankly, just the idea of that bothers me. I don’t like to be behind. I know it’s okay to take your education at your own pace. You don’t have to take a heavier course load just to be at the same level as your friends. There’s really no peer pressure in that regard. But I don’t like it. I know what I want to study and I know what I enjoy learning. And staying here is only going to bar me from that. I made some pretty bad decisions during my first year. A lot of bad decisions. And they’re hitting me now.

I know I can fix this. Get my life in order. But it’s not easy. I know there’s a chance that I might get sick again when I return to Toronto…but deep down inside, I know it’s better to move forward, rather than being held back. I’m going to have to find a new job. Volunteer somewhere. Make new friends. And try to keep them. I did that extremely poorly the first time. I guess I am more introverted than I thought I was. Hmm. I think it’s time for a lot of change. The human mind is amazing, flexible, and adapting. I know I can make the necessary changes to my attitude, my work ethics, and my habits. I just need to do that.

Goals for this summer (before it ends): Spend more time with my friends (while I still can). Fix my sleep schedule (12:30-1am latest being my upper curfew. 9am-10am being a good time to wake up). Learn to cook…better. And blog more (I want to continuously reflect on how well I’m implementing change in my life).

Next year is going to be tough. But I can do this.

I haven’t been doing very well at work. It was a shock to hear that. I’ve done my best…I think. I guess I need to think about what I can do to improve.

I have my driving exam next week. I’m nervous. I’m not a very good driver. But I don’t feel nervous while driving so that’s a good sign. *Paying attention* is key.

Had a major fight with my boyfriend. We’ll keep trying for now. But we’re not very compatible in some ways. Can we get over that?

I think I’m just having a bad year. Maybe when autumn rolls along, things will be better.

I haven’t had as many nightmares lately, I don’t think. Sometimes I wish my dreams weren’t so vivid…

Life is hard. But it wouldn’t be nearly as satisfying if it were easy. I may be struggling with all these problems, but they’re internal, not external. The whole world isn’t against me. I just need to fix my lifestyle. I have so much respect for those who fight against the rushing tides of their not so easy environment. It is so much harder to climb the mountain if there are avalanches along the way. I should be thankful I have a relatively safe mountain to climb. And I am. I’m happy with the life I have. No matter how many complaints I have about it (Grr another bad habit!).

But yeah. Just be happy. (:

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One thought on “77 – Sometimes you have to take the harder path.

  1. Part of finding inner peace is seeking out the reasons you remain close to the things you aren’t real happy with. Sometimes, it results in the realization that you’re maybe happier than you think. I believe we remain close to the things and people most like us. For a while anyway…….until we suddenly look down and see that we’ve sprouted wings. The truth is that love is with us no matter where we go, or how far we might wander. We carry it and it carries us…..and we are blessed in both the falling and the flying. ❤ Life is messy. Enjoy it, sweet Nessa.

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