A Girl Behind Bars

I pound on the walls

quickly

feverishly

until I lose all feeling in my fists.

 

The warden looks my way

seeming to understand my pain

but pays no heed to a word I say.

 

I scream

shouting out obscenities

to an audience of none

as if the struggle meant anything

to anyone.

 

This prison cell is flooded

with desperation and despair

but I refuse to add mine to it

I refuse to lose control.

 

Years ago

I thought I had a chance

but the bars only grew thicker

thicker and thicker

until I scarcely see through the slits.

 

I trusted the darkness

but never again

I thought he was an ally in my direst moment of need

but instead he craved my insanity

he craved me dead

rotting and hollow.

 

I shall never trust again.

 

A women comes from time to time

and stares at me so crudely

all finely dressed with silken hair

and eyes filled with cruelty

I shout at her

I ask for freedom

but she never gives reply.

 

She laughed once

as I was trying to dig my way out

my fingers crusted in dirt and grime

as I clawed the hard earth floor

I looked up to see her smiling

laughing at my despair

and since then I’ve never said a word

to that wretch beyond the bars.

 

There is a boy in the next cell over

and sometimes we talk

we talk about how we used to live

how we used to love

but not anymore.

 

He makes me feel all warm inside

reminds me of a better time

and gives me hope

of someday

when I am no longer bound.

 

The warden is coming over now

perhaps to put an end to this miserable life

he is speaking quickly

I cannot understand his words

she

is

coming

 

is the only phrase I catch.

 

I realize then

that even he is powerless

to that cruel demon of a women

apparently she was my captor

but I don’t remember much

all I know is that I was once free

and that is all I hope to be once more.

 

The warden says

that she isn’t all bad

that she is much like me

before the darkness fed her lies.

 

He continues

he tells me that

I am the part of her

that she cast away

when the darkness

would not leave her alone.

 

I ask him why she laughs at me

and he shakes his head

and turns away

but I can see

the tears

falling from his face.

 

I hear a gentle knock from the side

and I turn and face the barren wall

that separates me from the boy

on the other side.

 

He says something so quiet

it almost slips by

she laughs because we once ruled her heart

I lock the phrase into my mind

eyes wide

surprised.

 

I remember now

the memories flowing back

hurricane-fast

I remember I remember

that what he says is true

I am love and he is hope

and we were once the mighty two

that conquered dark

and swept past pain

we were once a force arcane.

 

But in this cell

I am nothing

I am worthless by my plight

I fall to my knees

my arms to my side

as I cry softly into the night.

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3 thoughts on “A Girl Behind Bars

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