Loneliness and I

We were comfortable in the silence

proud to know each other

happy to have the other

when all the world seemed

so unforgiving

so cruel

so bent on having us destroyed.

 

In the absence of friendship

he inspired me to push myself further

to fight back against the black and white

the beast that grinds my fingers numb

to paint my heavy heart in the written word

a lullaby of expression in the darkness

to open my eyes to more than myself

to realize that life is beyond

the curves of this blank canvas.

 

Loneliness and I.

Loneliness and I…

 

Who would’ve thought that anyone

could tear our nexus into pieces?

 

You changed everything

when you closed and locked the doors

to loneliness

to a love that seemed so cold to you.

 

You changed everything

when you replaced what meant most to me

with something new

something different

shifted my heart

away from the loneliness

towards the terror

of loving you.

 

I must admit

your offers of happiness

tempt me ever so much

and I don’t regret

the change of heart

the emancipation of my soul.

 

But loneliness is a formidable foe

he knows where to find me

when you are absent

he knows how to hurt me

when you are unaware

and he won’t let me go

without a fight

without one last attempt at winning me back.

 

You broke us apart

but I don’t believe that this is your battle

I don’t believe that this resentment

buried into the loneliness

is at all directed towards you.

 

No, I do believe that this fight

belongs to me

for it was I that abandoned him

I that befriended him

and left him

for the wolves of emptiness to swallow whole.

 

So dear,

please don’t break me

please don’t return me to his grasp

please take responsibility

for tearing down our past.

 

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3 thoughts on “Loneliness and I

  1. I love this paradox, Nessa……… giving personality to emptiness ~ green eyes to the stone we so eagerly swallowed years ago……… 🙂 Love it…………and am so glad you’ve raised your sword to fight. ~ Love, Bobbie

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