It’s just a little sad that I don’t feel comfortable opening up to you. I don’t usually feel like I have your undivided attention and thus, I don’t want to say something that you’ll just brush off like any other comment. I know there are others that fill up your world, but I want you to realize that you take up a continent of mine. It’s difficult. These awkward periods of silence and ignorance. But I won’t stop. Because the loneliness doesn’t go away without you.
I’ve tried to tell you many things, but changed my mind in the end. You’re a little impatient and when I hesitate, you move on right away. I’m no good with decisions. You’re no good at waiting for me to make them. I’m sorry it’s this way. I’d change it if I could.
There are times when I want to run away because I just don’t know what to say. I’d hate to be a bother. I’d hate to be someone you no longer look forward to talking to. I’d hate to be hated.
I’m a good listener or at least I try to be, but sometimes, I know there are things that you cannot open up to me. I won’t pry. Some parts of your world will always be secret to me.
I’m lonely. It’s hard to admit that sometimes, but I think it’s better to know it than to be in denial. It is onerous to express myself in front of my friends. When I try, I miss every opportunity.
I know that if I asked for it, you’d stop and listen. You’d shut away everyone and everything else for the moment and listen to what I have to say. I know that if I asked for it, I’d receive that unimpeded attention that I’ve always craved. That I always will crave. If not from you, then from someone else.
For now, just that thought alone – just the thought that you’d abandon all that is around you for me, is enough for me.