32 – My apologies, and some idle thoughts.

I’m terribly sorry I haven’t been keeping up to date with everyone – I try to be better with this usually, but things have been a little hectic lately and will be for the rest of May. When June rolls around, expect me to be all over all the wonderful blogs I follow. Believe me, you guys are all the inspiration I need and more. Stay amazing and thanks for being understanding, supportive, and there for me. ❤

It’s really starting to warm up here. My friends and I have been going outside for lunch lately – to throw around a frisbee, play catch – that kind of thing.

Barefeet on grass. Laughing. Piggy in the middle – and failing badly. The wind blows our frisbee away time and time again. Things seem so perfect in that hour we do nothing else but enjoy ourselves.

My friend made me a daisy chain yesterday. I broke it and tried to fix it again, but it was too small when I took out a flower. Sigh.

How long has it been since I’ve played outside properly? It feels like ever since high school started, I’ve become chained to the inside world. It’s really a wonderful feeling to get out – run away from the hecticness – if only for an hour. Half an hour. Ten minutes.

At night, I somehow find time for my games. Because I have friends there too that I do not want to lose. Just like I wouldn’t want to lose a single one of my lovely friends here. Because you guys give me something that I can’t find anywhere else – understanding. Acceptance without conditions. I love that and that feeling drives me through the day.

I’ve decided to write my 4,000 word-ish essay on Sylvia Plath. On Ariel, her last book of poetry. I’ve been reading about her pre-suicide actions ,decisions, behaviors  How hard it was on her that her husband had a lover, how hard it was to be in a society where women weren’t treated the same. And I feel for her. In many ways some things haven’t changed. And elements of her life – I find in mine and if not mine, in the life of my mother or in a friend. And it hurts that it still hurts.

There have been other things on my mind. Like the dream. But I’m still pondering that. Developing that. Forgetting and remembering that. In due time, things will be all right again.

I know it.


14 thoughts on “32 – My apologies, and some idle thoughts.

  1. this shouldn’t have been an apology as such but mere a cluster of idle thoughts… and as always, it could well connect.

  2. Dearest, Sylvia is an interesting character and I enjoy her work (in small doses, I might add). I found it troublesome to read that she had been diagnosed and treated for depression in the US, and was found to have adverse reaction to a specific family of drugs as they caused her to have terrible dreams, and ultimately made her psychosis worse than what was being treated. Years later, when she moved abroad, and following the break-up of her marriage, she sought out a doctor for treating similar symptoms of depression, careful to note any recommendation of the drugs she had already found to be ‘poison’ to her. Only after her death did they realize the drugs were the same, but were marketed by a different name than in the US. She never knew that they were killing her until they did. She was an amazing talent, but I can only imagine the writer she would have been with an infusion of light in her life……. Be safe and be careful of the shadows. You are loved……… ~ B

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