23 – Talk to me.

I get worried sometimes when I see someone who looks like they’re lost, depressed, or troubled in any way and regardless of whether I know who they are or not. In this way, I suppose I have an increased sense of empathy – I know how they feel. I don’t help often enough. I feel like I can’t reach other and if I did, I’d only make things worse.

Some people just need to be alone and need to be given time to sort things out. I’m one of those people and so I can understand that feeling more than anything else. Yet, I feel like isolation isn’t the way to go. You can’t always fix things all on your own. You wish for someone by your side. I want to be that someone for someone else – to make up for all those times when I had no one.

I know this sounds like I’m trying to help in places where I’m not really needed. Like I’m trying to help for the sake of helping. I’m really not. I don’t need to help anyone, but I want to. Because depression isn’t fun. Isolation and loneliness isn’t just something you should adapt to. Opening up to someone can be hard. You don’t have to if you’re scared, but know that there are people you can open up to.

I speak to poetry, I really do. I don’t just write it, spin tales off some crazy dream, I put a piece of myself into every stanza, every word. And nothing, nothing ever comes easy. Writing was my medium, my way of escaping that darkness. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. And I know I’m not anymore.

But I hide. I’m a coward and I’ll admit that now. I don’t like anyone thinking that I’m weak or that I want their pity. I don’t. I don’t need it. I’d much rather have the love.

I’m a hypocrite. I want to help others before getting help myself. I like to think I don’t need it. I’m very stupid like that.

In any case, I’m not afraid to talk about myself, but I really want to hear about you.

If you don’t need my help, that’s great. But I’m here when and if you do.

 

 

—tumblr: hey, stop hiding.

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15 thoughts on “23 – Talk to me.

  1. You do have to help yourself before you can help others, but helping others helps you too, so it’s a weird situation. It’s a loving thought to want to help others, though.

  2. I do believe the reason so many of us have connected with you here is because in addition to writing very honestly and personally, your poetry and prose are full of universal questions, quests and truths. This post is very much a part of that tradition, and I would venture that simply by putting these thoughts out here you *are* helping, not just yourself by the laborious and sometimes painful act of assessment and self-revelation but by making yourself so vulnerable as to address mutually held longings and concerns. Well done!

  3. Ahhhhh, friend. I very much relate to all you said. Sometimes seclusion is best when working through a hard time. Yet offering help to someone you know is in distress.. that kind act may also help you.
    I hide behind “I’m Fine” as well. It is hard to open up… many times I wish I had.
    Your poetry is amazing, I can feel you in each word… it is a therapy for you.
    As mine is.
    Keep fighting… it’s a worthy fight.

  4. Empathy is a Powerful thing… I have a lot of it as well… Most of the time I Love it, because it is such a powerful, meaningful thing… And… It’s who I am… And other times it’s hard, because you can’t make people change… You can’t make them take better care of their self.

    So part of the time I’m just forced to sit there and watch people hurt their selves over and over again… And there’s nothing I can do, but feel for them… And feel part of it myself.

    This is especially True when it comes to my Mom and my Brother… The main two people that I grew up with… I have two Sisters as well, but they’re both older, and weren’t around all that much when I was growing up.

    But my Brothers been married over 13 years, and he’s suffered a lot being with someone that is completely different than him… And the main reason they have appeared to stay together is because of their two boys.

    Yes, the Boys are receiving an immense amount of love from being around them, as they are both great parents… But, they are also exposed to a lot of fighting, and gia-normass amount of “Un-acceptance”.

    And my mom has pretty much battled with her weight for 30 years, and talks about food, what she’s eaten, and how it effects her for 30 years as well.

    Anyway, I love being Empathetic, but it can also be an extremely painful thing.

    Nice Post

    DarkJade-

    • I’m sorry to hear about the hardships in your family and I do hope that their situations are made better by your support.

      I strongly believe that if someone needs you, really needs you, they will show it. It’s hard to stand by and watch as they get hurt, but sometimes there really isn’t another choice. Yes, empathy can be painful, but it’s this quality that allows you to connect with another human being. It’s this feeling that drives your souls together.

      If it’s hurting you too much, try to let things be just a little bit. It’s okay to feel like you can’t do anything to help once in a while. Because sometimes, you really can’t.

  5. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. And I know I’m not anymore. – This was the best line. You are growing into love, your poetry is allowing your soul the expression and the solice it needs in this crazy world. Libra’s want to save the world, and it makes them hurt when they find they can’t, so sail with the wind of each day, touch those you can, build a better world by building a better you … “Do not believe that the one who seeks to comfort you lives untroubled among the simple quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life has much difficulty … Were it otherwise she would never have been able to find those words” – Rainer Marie Rilke

    • Oh you remembered I was a Libra.
      “Sail with the wind of each day”…I’ll try and do just that. Go where life directs me and do what I can…And I completely agree with the quote you have chosen…It takes a heavy heart to know one.

  6. You are a wonderfull person and compassion and empathy is virtues you don’t often find in this messed up world.

    I can relate to that…on so many different levels. I too feel a increased sense of empathy. Maybe it’s because of all the heartship I have been through…maybe it’s just something in my genetic make-up (which seems to confound the specialists at every turn).

    On the other hand, I am just as stuborn at receiving help. I refuse to park in the disabled parking, even though I can’t walk long distances, because I don’t want to feel helpless…plus I feel that there are people out there, that has it much more difficult than me and thus deserves it more than I do.

    Every single drop helps to fill the cup…till one day it overflows with happiness and joy…

    • Oh Tery, you’re such a strong person. Far stronger than I will ever be. I’m a weak little creature and when something hurts me, I let it hurt me.But when I hear words with such a kind spirit, it helps soothe me mind a bit, knowing that the world isn’t as bad as it seems.

      It’s incredibly not to refuse help, not to hold on to the stubbornness…but really, it’s only when you let go that you can finally breathe the fine air in front of you. If you know what I mean.

      And that imagery of a cup being filled gradually…beautiful. It does take time to be happy.

  7. I think that by helping others is actually how we save ourselves. I say save versus help which isn’t completely accurate. People need people. That’s just the way it is.
    It won’t always be enough though Blue. Eventually we want someone to lean on just like ourselves but different.

    You’re like me it seems, but hopefully when you get to be my age, you won’t be. Darkness isn’t so bad. I know because in darkness is where I usually found myself but it’s not where I lived. It took me years to figure that out. That there was a difference. Depression sucks. It’s one of the loneliest things that can happen.

    If you ever need an ear (or in this case a pair of eyes) I’m here for ya, girl with the pretty poetry. 😉

    • Awh, thank you Moonlight. You don’t know how much it means to me to have someone relate to me in this way and talk to me as if they understand. Even if our situations aren’t/weren’t exactly the same, it’s nice to have someone try to understand me – try to get where I’m coming from.
      And if need a pair of eyes (heh, it’s weird saying that), I’ll be sure to turn to you.

  8. I am the same way. I want to help everyone but don’t take care of myself. Am only starting to get help for my family, not me.
    Wish I could help you!!! Hopefully you be able to get help when you need it.

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