I hate you for knowing the “me” that I will never be.

Damn, I hate the words you throw my way,

I hate the “me” I am today.

Damn, I wish you’d go and go and go,

I wish I was the “me” you know.

 

You spin these lies about how smart I am,

How I have aced that past exam,

But if you understood me, and only me, for me,

You’d know it was never quite that easy.

 

You judge quick and in your haste

You have called my games a simple waste.

Yet I have learned more from these games you hate

Than from any other time or state.

 

I think it’s time that I explained what and why:

What these games have bound me by

And why these games mean so much to me,

And why these games have set me free.

 

Friends from all around the world I’ve made,

Most have left though some have stayed,

They paint me an image of places I may never see,

They paint me an image of people I will never be.

 

Lifting my darkness and keeping me sane,

These friends have listened time and time again,

So don’t say you know me when they know more than you,

Don’t say you know me when it was never true.

 

I learned how to love and how to break a heart,

How to carry myself again when I’ve fallen apart,

I hated the pain inflicted, but it’s time to move on,

It’s time to bury words, moments, and our song.

 

At the gentle age of nine, things were harsh and rough,

I looked around for warmth but there was never enough,

Mom and dad were occupied for reasons I won’t explain,

Mom and dad’s attention was not mine to obtain.

 

Instead of relying on who I knew, I drifted well away,

My world came crashing down in violent bursts of gray.

I kept to myself and slid out of the social norm,

I kept to my poetry – my own little art form.

 

I would still be stuck in that mess of a monsoon

If it weren’t for the magic these friends of mine had strewn,

No, not from you, who claims from this group a part,

No, not from you, who has lied from the start.

 

Higher APM to  higher effiency rate

Are things that I’ve picked up from then to now to date,

So if you think I was born into this state and way,

Then think again and think whatever it is you may.

 

I’m tired of being misunderstood by everyone around,

I’m tired of having hopes and being let down.

I know you think you knew me well and well enough,

I know you never thought that reality was this tough.

 

I know, I know, I know, but I really don’t want to know,

I know, I know, I know –

That somehow I must let go.

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11 thoughts on “I hate you for knowing the “me” that I will never be.

  1. Pingback: The Seven “X” Seven Link Award « Stronghold

  2. You sound like an Aquarius … there is a keen sense of life in what you write.Whether you see it or not, you have an intuitive understanding of life, and I think what you feel is that it puts people off – it scares them, because they don’t know how to deal with it. In time you’ll learn it is a gift … for now just understand it is you and allow it to continue teaching …
    Haiku:
    The Geisha is loved
    Is she loving in return
    or just saving face

    • Interesting perspective, but I couldn’t be more of a Libra. Balance means a lot to me and when something is tipped to the side, my entire life crashes. I crash easily.
      Thank you for your opinion though. I will definitely see where my writing takes me. Your writing seems to have a mist of maturity that’s quite enchanting – something my writing will never quite have. I hope you grow as a writer too. I don’t think it’s ever possible to stop growing.

    • This is the first personal poem on this blog and it tore my heart apart to write this. Although it may not mean anything to anyone else, it means a lot to me. I cried when I reread what I wrote.
      Thank you so much for your support.

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