At the moment, I feel stressed out by everything I should be doing, so I’ll take it off my mind for the duration of this blog post. Yes, procrastination. I know the horrors of what I’m doing quite well. I’m not changing my habits though. I can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried to stop procrastinating. It’s something I struggle with desperately. I’m weak. Far too weak to overcome something as storng as procrastination. Oh, forget it. I’m not here to invoke encouragement in order to get rid of this awful habit. I’m here to embark on a whole other train.
Cake. Birthday cake, the one with the all the candles and whatnot – that’s what I’m referring to in particular. For some people, it’s nothing special For another group of people, it’s nothing more than an aspiration, a dream and not reality. For me, it’s tradition. I’ve never had a birthday without a cake. It’s become embedded into my own little culture to the point where if there’s no cake, it’s not yet a birthday for me.
Now the question is…at what point does tradition become culture? And what exactly is this culture? The way I see it is that tradition is always a part of culture, but the culture I’m talking about here is individual culture or culture within a small group. It may not necessary apply to a bigger group. For example, the cake is part of my own culture as well as my family’s, but I don’t expect it to be a part of Canadian culture. When tradition occurs on a large scheme, such as an event like Thanksgiving, it becomes more national and thus installs itself into national culture. Some may argue that it’s not really culture if it only applies to a small group, but I beg to differ. If it’s not culture, what is it?
Moving on…the loss of culture. If I break a tradition, can that become a loss of culture? if all of a sudden, Thanksgiving isn’t celebrated one year, is that a loss of culture? At what point does a loss make a substantial change in culture? If I were to give the money I was going to buy the cake with to a homeless person every year, would the positive notion of aiding a person outbalance whatever loss of culture? I have no idea where I’m going with this, but at the same time, it’s been looming at the back of my head. I guess ultimately, the real question I’m trying to ask here is simply this: how important is culture?
I suppose the answer will depend on the person answering so I’m not really reaching a final standpoint on this. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m thinking so much into this. Usually, I’m the one to just accept things as they are and go with the flow. The flow just got stuck somewhere along the way here. I love my unique and individual culture and sometimes I face problems when it conflicts with the cultures of others or when I have to do something that may cause a leak in my culture. I don’t know if anyone else consciously recognizes this problem and shares the same thoughts, but I suppose I’ll throw it out there.
In the end, this has been a wasteful train of thought. No conclusion. I suppose not all questions need a solution.
On the side, I’ll throw in a little rant if only to calm my nerves again.
I’ve been sleeping late a lot lately and I suppose it’s not doing my health any good. Procrastinating doesn’t do my health any good. I hate to think that I’ve become adapted to this style of staying up late, but I suppose I have to some extent. At the same time, I always want to sleep, so I suppose my natural instincts still know best. I can’t wait till winter break when everything will cool down a little.
I feel like I’ve built up high expectations of myself over the years. These expectations aren’t only from others, but from my own perspective as well. I feel like if I don’t hit a certain level of achievement every time, I’m nothing but a failure. I push myself too hard, but at the same time, I believe it’s necessary to be successful. I’m not saying I’ll be super successful due to this tendency to push myself harder, but I’m simply pointing out that there is this impression of me in the minds of others that I would much rather not have there. I don’t want to be the one that’s reliable and able to push that extra mile. I know I’m capable of being that one, but I’m tired of it. So freaking tired.
I’m only human. I procrastinate. I waste my time pointlessly when I should be setting myself down and doing work.
Yet somehow – I don’t know if this is true for everyone, but it is for me – I feel like I’m only living when I’m procrastinating. If I spend all my time being that diligent student instead of enjoying what I do enjoy, I’ll definitely be a different person. I like who I am despite the fact that I hate what I do to myself with the constant procrastination. There’s a conflict there, but surprisingly enough, I’m satisfied with the conflict. As long as I’m aware of the problem, a solution will work itself out someday. Time management will be easier in time (or at least I hope so). I’m highly optimistic in this area (though I’ve been known to be a pessimist). Self-improvement…Oh my, that’s a whole other territory.
I think this blog is long enough, don’t you agree? Yeah, it’s time to let the silence back in.
—tumblr: ’cause cats are so darn cute.