Honestly, this obsession with colour blue has gone way too far. I’ve begun to personalize every detail in my life with this colour from loving blue clothes to loving blue construction paper. As an attempt to stop my obsession, I will write out my thoughts on why I have a favourite colour at all.
Everyone has one, whether they want to tell others or not. A favourite colour, that is. It just so happens that my favourite colour is blue. For some time, it wasn’t blue in my life. In terms of the relation with my life, I think the colour blue is of some significance. Some may pass a favourite colour as something less than just a preference, but its symbolism in my life is quite evident.
Of course, the most major influence is due to my username, Bluesander. I believe one of the main reasons I loved the colour blue back in kindergarten when I first made an account called “Bluesander” was because it was the first colour I learned to say. Not red, not green, but blue. It was the colour of the sky and the colour of the dress I used to wear. Blue was quite simply, a plain and lovely colour. The username has stuck and continues to influence me today.
For some time after grade 1, I switched and started to love the colour yellow. This was probably because I realized that blue is quite a sad colour. It is most often associated with misery. Essentially I underwent a personality change. I wanted to be bright – somewhat like the sun and the stars. I wanted to be that cheerful person that lit the room with her smile. Obviously, it didn’t happen as several years later, I returned to the colour blue. Somehow, Yellowsander didn’t work out.
First of all, this is significant because it indicates a change of my lifestyle. I have my reasons for being depressed after grade 4 though I will not disclose the reasons here. I started to write a lot of poetry. Dark poetry. Thankfully, most of it has been deleted off the face of the earth. Secondly, it indicates my switch from optimism to pessimism. If you had asked me five years ago whether the glass is half full or half empty, I would’ve most definitely answered half full. Now? I’m not so sure. I’ve lost confidence in the world over the years. Lastly, blue was my transition into darkness. Yellow, regardless of what shade, is bright. Blue? Not usually. Sure, there are bright blue shades, but usually a darker blue is chosen. I can be creepily happy, but ultimately, I’m still sunk in that darkness.
Do I still write dark poetry? No
t as often, but unfortunately yes.
What’s my real reason for playing video games? Distraction from
all the depressing things in this world.
I’m not quite sure why I’m blogging this, but I can tell you this much: don’t think twice about it. I’m comfortable where I am and you should be too. I was taking the bus today and the contrast of the yellow pole against the blue bus brought some strange thoughts into my mind. That shade of yellow used to be favourite.
I’m tossing away the days when I valued my yellow pencil crayon more than all my other writing utensils.
I’m giving up the brightness and forgetting about the darkness.
I’m freaking weird.